To Be More Specific...

This post is for my brother-in-law Peter, who made me smile first thing in the morning with a comment. It made me remember that I had resolved to post today some more specific information about what I'm really doing, thinking about, and engaging in all day. So, ok then.

Reading: 
This book came to me in a care package from some dear friends in Juneau. I devoured it, along with the homemade caramels it came with. Detailing the lives and work of expat journalists at a newspaper in Rome, it's tightly written enough that I can ignore the siren call of the US Weekly magazine sitting on the coffee table, and smart enough that I don't feel bad about reading the US Weekly when I'm done.

My friend Mary is working on a great new website, "A Prosperous Way Down". It's a look at our civilization's future in world with less fossil fuels and less explosive growth. Instead of a prognosis of economic collapse and disaster, it charts a path to the future where people re-learn to be comfortable with less, and changes in attitude can lead to a prosperous way down. Check it out- it's an enormous amount of food for thought. Brilliant.

Watching:
Party Down details the lives of aspiring actors and writers in Hollywood, working as caterers to make ends meet. It has a great cast. It was tragically cancelled after two seasons so it's probably not going to keep me occupied for very long.
I'm still sticking with the program of not watching TV in the day time. I haven't really been working this week, so some days it's been more difficult to stick to that goal. I also spend a lot of time staring at my computer screen, surfing the internet or chatting and deep down I wonder if there's really any difference. Someday I'll break the rule, and then you'll find me in bed, watching Revenge with the shades drawn and the dog curled up beside me. And that day my husband will come home early, and I will be 100% busted.

Learning:

Many people suggested I take this time to learn a language. It would indeed be a handy time to brush up on my Russian or Spanish (and by brush up, I mean "learn completely over from scratch because I only remember a few phrases like 'I have a brain tumor"). Instead, I joined Code Academy, which endeavors to teach web code via weekly interactive lessons. I don't know how far I'll make it but I do know that it engages a part of my brain that I've left to lie fallow for a long time.  I also signed up for one of Stanford's free online classes. I'm going to start Computer Science in mid February. It's free and utterly voluntary, so again, I can't promise how far I'll get, but it's something I find intriguing and completely foreign. Very excited about all this. A big thanks to Kelly for her great ideas. Also from Kelly, I'm spending some time browsing Khan Academy every day. Pinterest won't let me in yet, so that's what I'm doing on the web (besides Facebook, Words With Friends, and Sudoku).

Thinking About:

•  The Oxford Comma. The Oxford comma seems to be experiencing a come-back of sorts. For those who aren't grammar nerds, here's a series of graphics demonstrating use and non-use of the Oxford comma.

I'm still struggling to abide by my editor's and graphic designer's decree that I stop using the double space before starting a new sentence. I'm aware that it makes print and web writing look bad, but it's such a hard habit to break. Same goes for the Oxford comma. I'm pleased to see it's making a comeback, even if it's only on Facebook.

• The Baby. Baby names. Baby furniture. Baby room. Baby showers. Baby bump. Baby kicks. She is the reason for the bed rest, and I think about her all the time. I can rarely lie on my stomach anymore, because she kicks me, hard. It's amazing to me that she's already communicating, in a way. We haven't picked a name yet, but some call her Lola, some call her Wiggles, and some call her Gumbo. She's doing great, and the evidence of her growth is becoming pretty obvious. Danny and I will take some pictures this weekend of the burgeoning belly.  Here's some older pictures and video of her. She's quadrupled in size since then, but that also means we've graduated to the 3d sonogram pictures and I'm not going to share those with you because they make our baby look disgusting. I still love to get sonograms, and peek in at her and watch her kick and roll like an otter. Fortunately for me, I'm high risk and so I get to see her every week or so.
  
  
  
  

 

• Eating. I think a lot about eating, of course. We've been so lucky to have many friends bringing delicious food for us. It's great because it keeps me off my feet, and I don't have to think ahead much about what to eat. I'm sort of unusual in that I haven't put any weight on during my pregnancy. In fact, mostly due to the morning sickness and now due to the bed rest, I've lost about 15 pounds and haven't gained any. My doctors say this is ok, since I started out heavy and it's obvious that the baby is growing normally and rapidly. So, I am enjoying one of the chief joys that I can have right now: eating anything I want, anytime I want. I'm still sticking to the healthy foods, with lots of vegetables and whole grains and smoothies and vitamins. But if a milkshake sneaks in there, it's just fine. I've never had dietary carte blanche in my life, and don't expect to ever again, so I'm enjoying it. I wondered how bed rest and lack of exertion would affect my appetite, and I'd say that I still get hungry at mealtime, but rarely have the urge to snack. I try to have smoothies and soup whenever possible, because it's hard to digest when laying down, and it seems to be a little easier. 

Day 21

Welcome to the 3 weeks mark. In a lot of ways, time has flown. This blog got really boring to update, really quickly :) Please see previous post, about what I do all day.

My mind set and point of view is constantly evolving. More and more I'm at peace with this process. I saw both of my doctors within the last week, and I think we're all in agreement that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm fairly comfortable with the fact that I should and will be on bed rest until the end of February (when I will reach the milestone of 25 weeks) and after that we'll see how it goes.

This week I got to meet my best friends' new baby: Woodson Wade Collins was born on Saturday. His parents were so sweet to make a house call with a newborn. He's tiny and perfect. It's been really fun to be pregnant with Jen (his mom), and it's equally fascinating to watch her enter Mom World. I feel like I'm standing on the threshold but I can't follow her in just yet. I'm really excited for our kids to grow up together.

I've gotten lots of great visits, food, care packages, books, and knitting supplies. If I'm bored, it's my own fault. Still, sometimes I catch myself staring out the window for long periods of time, cat-like. You might call it meditation. It's not as deliberate as that but certainly as restful.

How The Days Go By

Welcome to Day 16 of bed rest. I am 18 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I am very close to the 20th week (halfway mark).

After a full day of moping, I'm feeling better. It's Friday, which really means nothing anymore, but Danny is taking Jack to some ski races in Homer this weekend and I have a fun weekend with lots of friend visits planned, so that gives me something to look forward to.

I usually try to stay in bed as long as possible in the mornings. This is because my memory foam bed is much more comfortable for side-lying than my couch, because the light in the mid-morning has been divine in my bedroom windows, and because I know I'm going to spend a large part of the day on the couch regardless. I like to split my time up between my two "offices".

I will put my laptop in my room when I go to bed, so that when I wake up, I can lie on my side in bed and check work email, write on the blog, chat with friends. Most mornings, Danny brings me breakfast in bed, as well as my daily glass of Metamucil to chug (a necessary evil).

Usually around mid day, I wander downstairs. Fern is always happy to see me. She find this whole situation as perplexing as I do. I'm home from work, which she likes, but we never go for walks at all. Added to this, it's been below zero for over a week, so she hasn't been very interested in being in the back yard on her own. It makes me feel bad, but Danny and friends have been helping me by giving her lots of exercises, so it's not the worst thing.

My only real strict bed rest rule is that the TV can't come on during the daylight hours. Or at least the traditional work hours. I know there's a lot that Netflix Instant has to offer but I think my brain might go a bit too mushy if I watch TV all day. Who knows, I might cave later, as this bedrest stint is looking to be longer than I thought.

I do work as much as I can- emails and writing and phone calls. It's unclear to me how much I'll be able to work, but I do find it so helpful to my sense of normalcy and control. I hope to be able to keep up with work.

I do a fair bit of reading- books and magazines. I play Words with Friends (my name is sangstak and I want to play with you). I play Angry Birds and Contre Jour. I text and chat with friends, which keeps me sane. I've been doing a little knitting but need some new patterns.

Around 5 I might turn the tv on to watch some of the shows I'm recording. It's hard to not be able to participate in the cooking or cleaning up or laundry or the million other chores that are still needing to be done around me. Danny's been a champ- cooking, cleaning, driving me and Jack around, waiting on me hand and foot, managing homework, exercising the dog, and everything in between. I think we're doing fine, but if this really does go on until mid April, we'll have to ask for more help. People have been contributing food, which helps tons. All the calls and emails and text and visits helps me tons.

 I went from normal pregnancy to high-risk in the blink of an eye and I'm having trouble catching up to that. After talking to my brother-in-law Larry, who is a neonatologist, for a while last night, Danny and I felt a lot better. It's crucial to make it to 24 weeks without incident, so we'll focus on that for now. As he reminded us, three months on bed rest is better than any length of time of your baby being in the NICU.  So we're doing what it takes for now.

Thanks for all the kind words, good energy, and love. We couldn't do even a fraction of this without friends and family like you.

An Update

An update. I saw my perinatologist today for the first time since my surgery a week ago. He performed my surgery, and I was to get a check up on the status of my stitches and the length of my cervix. Everything looked good, in his opinion. The fact that I still am lightly cramping as a result of my irritable uterus is indicating that bed rest is still the best thing for me. In fact, he predicted that I might be on bed rest until 32 weeks. Ultimately my regular OB will decide my course of treatment, but I'm not sure his recommendation will be much more extravagant.

32 weeks. That's 12 weeks from now. 3 months. April 15. A long, long time. I've heard anything from 22 weeks to 24 weeks to 28 weeks to 32 weeks, and while I know everything is dependent on what happens as I recover, it's very difficult to not know how long I'll be on bed rest.  Hearing 32 weeks took a lot of wind out of my sails, and to be honest, once I got home from the doctor, I went straight back to bed. But what choice did I have?

Please excuse the moping, I'll be regaining my pluck after a nap.

Enjoying the things that are enjoyable...

I try every day to pick out a few moments and live in them. Bed rest is pretty dull and tedious, and the days all blend together, but there are always a few moments that make me happy.

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• Today is Martin Luther King Day, and so Danny is home to spend the day with me. Right now, he's making me scrambled eggs with mushrooms and herbs, and an english muffin.
• The sun is shining, and I'm able to enjoy the lovely daylight exposure our house gets in the winter day. Usually I'm at work from dark AM to dark PM.
• The birds have found the bird feeder that Danny hung outside the window where I lie all day. They are gleefully feeding and I love watching them.

More later on my daily routine...

How I Got Here

***WARNING CERVIX TALK AHEAD. STOP NOW IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH OR CAN"T BEAR DISCUSSION OF LADY PARTS****

Until a few weeks ago, I was having what I thought was a normal pregnancy. My first trimester was marked by constant nausea, intense desires to eat nothing but certain fruits, and an equal mix of excitement, anxiety, and apprehension. Keeping my pregnancy secret was difficult, and I didn't do an exceptionally good job at it.

My second trimester started with a bang, or rather a quick hard fall on the stairs outside my office buildling. I had myself checked out, and while the baby looked fine and there was nothing immediate to be concerned about, I started having regular cramping that I was told were normal Braxton Hicks contractions.

At 17 weeks, a random series of events (I'll get into that more later) led to me being diagnosed with "Incompetent or Insufficient Cervix", which means that for some reason, my cervix is too short, and doesn't provide an adequate seal to hold the baby in. Here's how someone described it to me:

"OK, most pregnant women have a cervix like a tupperware container- with a tight seal. Yours is more like an off-brand sandwich baggie that hasn't been sealed all the way. As the baby gets bigger, your risk of pre-term labor gets greater and greater"

We count ourselves as extremely lucky. Most women with incompetent cervix are diagnosed not clinically like me, but after they suffer one or more late-term miscarriages, usually around 20 weeks. I believe we were probably headed in that direction, and am so thankful I was spared that agony. Our baby is extremely healthy, growing like crazy, and starting to kick and move in a feelable way. That's so reassuring.

I was also diagnosed with an "Irritable Uterus", which simply means I am prone to cramps, and later in the pregnancy, contractions.

So, here's what my awesome team of doctors is doing about it all:

***GRAPHIC CERVIX TALK AHEAD- TURN BACK NOW, SQUEAMISH FRIENDS***

Last week, I had a procedure called a cerclage. While under general anesthesia, my cervix was stitched closed to help prevent pre-term labor. Oh, I know. This sounds absolutely barbaric. It surprises me that in 2012, our solution is still so simple: "Can't keep the baby in? Sew her closed!" But they say it works, or at least helps, and frankly my alternative was strict bed rest FOR THE REST OF MY PREGNANCY (20 weeks) so that was a no-brainer.

I'm still looking at a substantial chunk of bed-rest anyway, hence this blog. I'm hoping it's around 5 weeks, with an increase of priveleges over the course of that time, leading up to a return to work.

I'll probably be on activity restriction my entire pregnancy. I had pictured being active- walking daily, going to spin class and pilates. I even bought maternity bike shorts, never envisioning an outcome like this. We'll see what happens later in the pregnancy, but for now, I'm benched. Sidelined. Bed rest for me means on my back or side, with as much pressure off my pelvis as possible. No sitting, no walking around. No cooking, no cleaning. It's hard to imagine. Today is day 11. It's a little like Groundhog Day.

Coming up! Discussion about my bed rest rules, my bed rest plans, my bed rest habits, and everything else.
Thanks for stopping by.